Who Are We?

The Failed Attempt is one writer's blog designed to expose the author's work to criticism, cynicism and enjoyment. It is updated whenever the author actually has the time to do so, but at least once a week is what we're aiming for. Please leave comments. Let us know just how much you love us... Cuz you know you do.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Happy Father's Day- ABC's of My Dad

In honor of our greatly unappreciated dad's, let me share with you a personalized Father's Day poem. I am giving it to my dad tonight and then leaving for camp. He thinks that is the perfect Father's Day present.

A is for Awesome, and
Always care;
B is for best friend,
And hugs like a Bear;
C is for cheesy
(you knew that went here);
D is for dad,
And Dork, and Dear;
E is for easy -
To talk to, really;
F is for father
Who we love most dearly;
G is for group hug,
No, please,not really!
H is for hamburgers,
Grilled to perfection;
I is for Intellgent,
Insightful, Inspection;
J is for John (Oh, Lordy, oh),
K is for Kathy,
Who you love, we know
Cuz we’re here today;
L is for Lydia,
(And Marshall is somewhere in there, Okay?);
M is for money,
Which you give so freely,
Despite how unhelpful we are daily;
N is for nearly rid of us both,
LAK never looked so good,
We hope;
O is for open minded,
And ornery;
P is for perfect,
Not our opinion only;
Q is the one letter
I don’t have a rhyme for;
R is for responsible,
Always and forever;
S is for Super,
T is Today,
U had better Have a
Happy Father’s Day!
V is for this Very sentimental,
Webb Written greeting,
X is the spot where we hid your chocolate,
And Z is the end with one
Last Admonition,
Don’t ever forget that, of course,
WE LOVE YOU!


From John (left), me (center), to Dad (right).
And for the rest of the dads out there, The Future Omega and its author wishes you the happiest of Father's Days.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

UFP and one small note...

The sun was beginning to set as he came into the yard. Cador could hear Bryhen and Lot in the house, speaking with muffled voices over the clamor of spoon against cauldron. That must mean it was stew for dinner. Luckily, Bryhen was an excellent cook. He dismounted silently and led his horse into the stable he had helped to build. It was an excellent building with four stalls, two on either side, and a hay loft at the back of it. One stall was always kept empty for his mount.
“Who’s down there?” called a voice from the hay loft.
“It is I,” said Cador, smiling at the familiar voice.
A blonde head smiled down at him over the edge. It was Raelyn. “Come up here.” He finished settling his horse and climbed up the ladder to the loft. There, in one corner, sat Raelyn tending a litter of baby kittens. He sat down beside her as she explained, “Pamplemousse had kittens two days ago. I’ve kept them hidden because Mother thinks they are a nuisance and would probably drown them. Aren’t they cute?”
Pamplemousse was a very ample cat with a gorgeous tortoise-shell coat which she was inordinately proud of. She left off licking the heads of her motley brood to give him a look that plainly said, Say otherwise and you will die a painful death at the end of my twenty claws. Cador patted her head and said, “Of course they are. When they’re old enough, I can take one home with me as a companion for Arthur’s old Harold. He’s such an old hound and I think the company would do him good. Besides, I think there are rats in my room.”
“Well, there won’t be any rats around here for a very long time,” said Raelyn confidently. “Both Pamplemousse and the tom are excellent mousers.” They took a few minutes to fondle the furry little heads who mewled so sweetly. Raelyn took a few moments to look at Cador. He looked tired and weary. “How did it go with Arthur?” she asked.
Cador shot her a look. “Well enough. I guess Lot filled you in on what happened.”
“You really shouldn’t provoke the priest like that,” she admonished. “Everything he does, he does for your benefit. Why can’t you just be friends with him?”
“You try being friends with a man who only talks to you when you do something wrong,” Cador countered. “He flat doesn’t like me and he is always ready to find fault with me. Besides, I wasn’t even gambling today.”
“So why didn’t you explain that to him?” she asked.
“I didn’t get much of a chance, did I? Its not an exaggeration to say that he was jumping up and down like a child having a tantrum. At least he got his exercise for the day,” he ended bitterly.
“Cador,” she said, soothingly, “I need you to be friends with him. We can’t get married unless he marries us and I fear, my love, that he never will if you continue to antagonize him. So, please, for me, try. Try to be nice to Father Paulus.”
She took his face in her hands and kissed him, somewhat mollifying the frustration that was bubbling below the surface. “Alright, fine,” he relented. “But only because you want it so.”
“Poor Cador. Its so hard for him to play nice with the other children.”
“Oho!” he cried grabbing her about the waist and tousling with her. “If that’s how you feel about it, why should I try at all?”
“Stop it! Stop it!” she cried. Raelyn was terrified that he would try to tickle her, which was torture for her. “Cador ap Gerren, I swear I will foreswear myself and not marry you if you touch me.”
He laughed and simply locked her in a tickle free hug. “You know I would do anything for you,” he assured her.
She looked into his eyes and replied, “I know. Let’s not make Mother keep dinner on our account,” she said, before he could kiss her. He smiled knowingly at her and helped her down the ladder to the ground.

Today, I just wanted to take a little time to leave you with an historical note. The great mouser, Pamplemousse, was mouser to the royal house in Britain at this time. Part of this story will explain how she became attached to it and, let me assure you, this is all historically accurate. Pamplemousse caught more than five hundred rats and mice in her day, earning her a commendation from King Arthur himself. Her descendants still roam every hall and every room of Windsor and the royal houses to this very day. Here is an artist's rendering of the famous Pamplemousse:

Working on that novel...

Yes, I'm going on vacation next week. And this is the conversation I had with my brother when he learned about it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Just couldn't help myself...

You know, we must all take a timeout sometimes to pay homage to the furry friends who give us so much love and laughter every day. And since we are here endeavoring to write our version of King Arthur, I thought this was imminently appropriate. I give you... "Catalot!"


Marshall, the official cat of The Failed Attempt Blog, doth send his greetings to thee and asks you to leave comments on the site, because it doth dispose his hooman to give him tuna. Slainte!

Regularly Scheduled Programming

Cador was on his way to a small farm a mile away from the Wall. It belonged to Lot and his family, his mother Bryhen and his younger sister Raelyn. Lot’s father, Caedmon, had been a Briton warrior and Cador had known him slightly. He had died in battle, a glorious member of patriotic martyrs. Now, Bryhen ran the farm with her children and they had remained successful in what could only have been called trying times. As for Cador, sometimes he felt like a stray dog they had taken into their home. He was ever conscious of the debt he owed to them and the fact that he would never be able to repay them.
Having lived most of his life far above the Wall where there were wide open spaces and the4 familiar villages of friendly Britons, Cador had been very homesick his first few months in Luguvallium. He did not like living in Luguvallium. In fact, he hated it. It was too closed in, too like a prison with its gates and walls and guards and sentries, and much too Roman in every sense for his taste. There was nowhere he could go where he could not see what had always been a symbol of oppression. He felt claustrophobic, out of place, and lonely. On top of that, he was required to perform many new duties which had never been part of his life before. Cador was a prince, heir to a throne which was the hope of many people, and he had to act as such. Arthur met with noblemen from the South and Cador stood next to him. Noblemen from the North came to offer their allegiance to the new king of the Britons, and Cador was there. He had been used to being a battle leader, a commander of men who, when the battle was over, went back to their homes as they wanted to do. This politics was new to him and the greatest part of his anxiety. Guinevere with a wisdom born of many years told him to go out riding in order to escape the new duties that plagued him so sorely. It was on one of these rides that he stumbled upon Bryhen’s farm.
He had been watching the spot on the horizon for awhile before what he was seeing registered in his mind. It was a farm, a truly British farm, the kind he had been used to seeing and living in for so many years. Fields of grain covered the land around it. The homestead itself was surrounded by a steep ditch designed to keep stray animals away and a fence of wattle for extra protection. He couldn’t see very much over it, but he could see the peaks of a few round houses, and the sloped roofs of granaries. For a moment, Cador stopped his horse and just stared at the pleasant sight before him. There was nothing that had eased his home longing like this in a long time. He was reluctant to disturb the privacy of the inhabitants of the farm, but curiosity got the better of him and he rode boldly into the enclosure.
There was a large roundhouse on the right, which he rightly assumed to be the home of the farm holder. It was a tidy house, the thatch but newly applied and the walls whitewashed a bright white. The door was covered by what looked to be an old legionaries red cloak, very faded and patched in places. There was a cow byre just beyond it, large enough, he thought, to house five or six cows. That was an excellent sign of a thriving farm, as were the large granaries at the back of the compound. On his right were two smaller houses that would shelter the hired workers. There was also a large, square building that, from the presence of the wood-shavings in baskets by the door, was a woodworkers shop. Scattered amongst all of this were chicken houses and beehives, a pair of latrines tucked away in opposite corners, and the very important family garden just behind the main house.
Cador was drinking in the sight of it all, letting the familiarity of the scene wash over him like a soothing balm, when a not so soothing voice filled his ears. “What do you want?” Lot stepped out of the workshop, hands set confrontationally on his hips, a dark scowl on his face. It had been wonderfully typical of him.
Cador, aware that he was trespassing, replied politely in turn. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” he said, “but I couldn’t help myself. I have not seen a good farm like this in many months. To be honest, I have missed the sight of it.”
“Well, you’ve seen it, so be on your way,” growled Lot. He glared at the rider in the most unfriendly manner.
“Please, do you mind if I stay awhile? I‘m handy in all kinds of work and you don‘t have to pay me. I only ask the pleasure of being somewhere like home for an hour or two.”
Lot considered him critically for a moment, not missing the sword that hung from Cador’s belt. He shrugged and said, pointedly, “As long as I don’t have to pay you. You can start over there at the woodpile. Stock it high. I have no doubt that the cold days are coming soon.”
So began Cador’s happy days at the farm with cold words about cold days. Still, Lot’s unfriendly demeanor did not diminish his pleasure at being on a familiar feeling place. He worked for a few hours until he absolutely had to go back to Luguvallium and when he arrived home, his mother saw him looking the happiest he had been in months. Cador went back the very next day and asked to work again. This time, Bryhen was there as well.
“So you’re the odd young man Lot told me about,” she said, looking him up and down. “You don’t look like a farm boy. What‘s your name?”
He smiled, refreshed by her blunt manner. “Cador, and I’m not,” he said, removing the trappings of his station. “But I was raised to know what it was all about. I had to have something to do in between adventures.”
“Killing dragons, were you?” she chuckled. “Lot’s killed a few in his day, too. I call you both in for lunch.”
“More wood chopping, then?” asked Cador. Lot sent him to his task with a grunt.
It was at lunch that Bryhen attempted to get to know the strange nobleman who was doing all that work for free. She and Raelyn brought food out in the yard and they all sat together before the door of the house. Cador noticed Raelyn, of course, as any young man would do, but he had been too long held to the rigid standards of a leader for him to do anything more than notice. He paid her every courtesy as he would any other woman and did not think beyond that.
Bryhen began the conversation. “So, where are you from, dragon slayer?” she asked in an ironic way, with a friendly smile on her face. It would not take long for him to get used to he ironic ways of speaking.
“North,” he said, sipping his ale, “with the Votadini, my mother’s people.”
“You fought the Romans, then?”
“Only after they ran out of dragons,” he said with a laugh. “Yes, I fought the Romans. Not any more, though. We always envisioned peace coming in a different way, but now that its here, I don’t want it gone.”
“Aye, you speak good sense for one so young,” she said, nodding her head in a knowing way. “The Votadini are a great tribe. Merlyn is one of their number. I don’t suppose you know him, do you?”
“I do,” replied Cador. The ale was beginning to loosen his lips. “Merlyn was one of my guardians. He taught me almost everything I know, although, it wouldn’t be fair to my mother to say exactly everything.”
“Yes, indeed. Be sure to always give credit to your mother,” laughed Bryhen easily, but the position of her guest was beginning to dawn on her. She asked a leading question. “I suppose you’re one of the Votadini chieftain’s sons. It is an honor to have you with us.”
“The honor and the pleasure is all mine,” he said, bowing his head in acknowledgement of the compliment, “but I am not Votadini. I’m Dumnonii, far south, a fugitive for most of my days. Thank the gods that is all over.”
“Thanks, indeed,” she said, ignoring the alarmed look on her son’s face. “Your mother must be Guinevere, then.”
Cador realized that he had perhaps said too much. “Yes,” he admitted, slowly, glancing around in case he would need to fight his way out.
“Be at ease, Cador ap Gerren,” said Bryhen, handing him a loaf of bread, “you are among friends. While we here at the wall may not have been able to do our part of the fighting, it does not mean we aren’t loyal to Britain and the cause you fought for. My husband was one of many proud warriors who met his end at the point of the Roman gladius. In giving you our hospitality, we honor his memory.”
Cador bowed very low at this. “Your husband’s spirit is content in the house of heroes, along with many of my friends. I hope,” he said uncertainly, “that I will be allowed to continue coming here and working.”
“If you enjoy it, I won’t stop you,” Bryhen assured him. “I am curious as to why you would want to.”
“It just reminds me of home,” he said simply.
That sealed it. From then on he was welcome at the farm whenever he wanted. Over time, he was absorbed into the family like a cousin and the friendship that developed between he and Lot blossomed in the atmosphere of hospitality, love and loyalty.

Okay, so, as promised, here is the post. In the original conception of this and the previous section, there is no break. What I mean is, its meant to be read as a whole section. But, luckily, it makes sense without having its original format. I am now working on a post for tomorrow.
Just a little update about scheduling for next week: I am taking next week off. There will be no posts next week! Sorry... I will be attending the St. David Anglican Youth Retreat in the secluded woods of Foresthill, California, somewhere only a satellite can find me. For more information on this retreat go to www.anglicanyouth.com.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Duh, hurr hurr

So, sorry for those who have commented on posts. I did manage to reply to all of them that needed it. I kept wondering why I wasn't receiving notification emails. Turns out I had the wrong email address up for that. How embarrassing. Well, that's fixed now. Even bloody friggin' geniuses have idiot moments, just like this...

Revision

So, one of the problems with posting a story as you write it is that sometimes you revise what you've already posted. So, the last post that I put up now has a slightly different ending. I went back and revised that so that you can go back and read to semi-finalized version. Do go back and read it again or much of what is going to follow after will make no sense to you at all. What follows is actually part of a longer section, but it was much too long and ungainly to be put all at once. I will have the second part up tomorrow, hopefully. As always, you are quite welcome to leave feedback. In fact, I want you to, good or bad, complimentary or not. It all helps in some way. Now that that explanation is out of the way, let's keep moving forward in what I can only hope will turn out to be a grand adventure!


As Cador rode leisurely along, he had to laugh at the memory of Father Paulus’ face on the plain. The hilarity of the situation may have escaped him earlier, but it did not do so now. If only poor Paulus knew how ridiculous the whole affair really was, he thought to himself. Perhaps he should have been let in on the joke. Of course, that knowledge would probably have only angered him further and added to the trouble Cador was already in. It was too bad that the priest did not have a better sense of humor. They might have got along better if he had.
Cador and Father Paulus were not enemies by a long stretch, but they were generally antagonistic to each other and the blunted war they waged had a long history by this time. When Cador had been brought into Arthur’s house as the king’s foster son and heir, he had been forced to put aside his pagan ways and embrace the new religion that called itself Christianity. That had been fine with him since he was not especially attached to one or the other. Most of the time he thought it the smallest of the sacrifices he had had to make during that change in station, the greatest being having to live in that stuffy Roman house Arthur kept as his primary residence. From the beginning of his life he had been accustomed to the smoke-filled, yet expansive homes of his people. A round-house was where he was most at ease, but it was more important to him to be close to his mother. However, he refused to dwell on this point and had become inured to an atrium and triclinium even he had not grown accustomed them.
On making this change to Arthur’s religion, he had been baptized in the church just outside of the fort and the care of his instruction in it and the Latin tongue had been given to Paulus, who became at that time the only resident clergy in Luguvallium. Paulus was a full-blooded Roman with a pedigree to boot, which had been Cador’s initial reason for disliking him. Eventually he discovered others, such as his lack of a warrior’s spirit and stamina, his condescending manner and his insipid conversation. Unless he was talking about some spiritual matter or lecturing one outright, Paulus lacked the capacity for talking beyond the weather and one’s health. This not only made him an extremely vexing person, but an excessively boring one as well. The one thing Paulus had succeeded in was teaching Cador to speak and write in tolerably good Latin. There had been no such success beyond that.
That was where their battling began. For instance, Paulus had once tried to explain to Cador the Christian doctrine of the Trinity. The Trinity was the concept of God being one Entity with three Persons within that Entity. He was Father, Son and Holy Spirit, but still only one God. As far as Cador was concerned, if God was God then He could do whatever He wished and if He wished to have three Persons to gallivant around in, then that was fine by him. Paulus tried to complicate this by saying that no man could possibly understand this doctrine. If no one could understand it, then why was Paulus belaboring the subject? Because it was an important Christian doctrine that he had to believe in. Okay, point made, shall we move on? Paulus did believe that his young charge did not fully grasp the fullness of this mystery. If it was a mystery how could he possibly hope to understand it? He could not, Paulus declared, because God did not wish him to. Why did not Cador go and contemplate this wondrous mystery in the church for an hour or two? Why should he go contemplate something God did not want him to know? Cador personally thought that the best thing he could do was respect God’s privacy. Today’s outburst had only the been the latest in a long succession of tactical maneuvers. That was behind him now and, except for the punishment he would have to undergo later that evening, he could look forward to an enjoyable close to the day.